For the past almost four months my life has been crazy. I have not handled this whole transition thing very well. I have never in my life felt so out of control. My mind has been in a constant state of chaos. And my emotions have been on the roller coaster from Hell. I’ve been playing it off that I’m ok, that I love it here in Gainesville. But, I’ve been lying. If I told you in the past 4 months that I was, “ok” I lied. And I’m sorry. There is this little thing called pride, and well I have a giant does of it. I don’t like looking weak, and in my mind, not being ok is being weak. I have developed some not so good habits as a result of this chaotic life state. I have ceased communication with Father. I’ve become a recluse. I’m scared, my life is spiraling out of control and it scares the hell out of me. I’m angry. I feel like I was following what the Lord was saying in moving here and working at Adventures but, it’s not turning out like it should. This is not how things were supposed to be. My life was not supposed to become this hellhole.

And here’s how things are now. I have made this complete 180. Father has been so good and gracious to me. He has placed people in my life who have told me, “Enough is enough.” I was given a chance. Someone cares enough about me to agree to hold me accountable to life changes that I am making, to walk hand in hand with me as I fight to get my life back. It’s not easy, and some days I want to give up and revert back to how things were, no it wasn’t working but it was easy. I thought that I couldn’t hear the Father anymore, but I asked and He spoke and I heard. He revealed to me things only He could and told me He loves me. For the first time in four months I felt loved and wanted. Every second of everyday I have choices to make, I can choose to be who I was or who I am, who He says I am. Some days it feels like too much and some days I want to give up, but He remains faithful and He is my strength, He gets me through. I have hope, hope that I’m going to make it, that I will become who I am supposed to be. This part of my journey isn’t over, I didn’t take some magical pill and am all of a sudden cured, but I do have the Holy Spirit and He is right there with me and that’s enough.